Assignment - Story Board

I am required to create a Story board to briefly show the main shots of the scene and to discribe what happens thoughout the scene. I have a picture of my story board below as I sketched my scene out on paper rather than using a computer. Here is the image of the Story Board;

As my drawing skills are not very impressive, Im going to explain the story board below;

The scene starts out with a close up of a TIE fighter. The camera then pans out to reveal a huge fleet of TIE fighters 'Marching' through space. The Pan out reveals multiple debris and destruction behind the TIE fighters as they proceed forwards. The camera stays panned out looking at the debris as the TIE fighters move out of the front of the shot. Suddenly there is a short overhead shot of an Imperial Ship, then a close up towards Darth Vaders ship, showing that the two ships have noticed eachother. Then a perspective look to the left of Darth Vaders TIE fighter followed by another perspective look to the right of him, emphasising the two TIE Bombers either side. Then the orders are given and the camera goes behind the TIE fighters as they unleash their weapons upon the helpless fleeing imperial ship.